my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to sanitize my soul.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
