The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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