Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
