he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
