Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
