Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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