Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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