3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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