I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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