Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
