how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
