He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
