She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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