Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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