My underwear smells like fireworks.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
