I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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