i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
