I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
