420 ftw
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
