"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
