I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
