I heard we made out
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
