The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
