yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
