My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
