we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
