TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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