I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dicks are not precious.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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