My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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