I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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