will power is for people who don't want to get laid
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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