I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
