he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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