listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
