Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
