bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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