2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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