scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
