No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
