I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
