she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
