Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
