I'm pants shitting drunk right now
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
