Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
People in love make me want to vomit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
