i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
