She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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