the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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