We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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