I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
