Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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