I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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