I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize