Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
