I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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