I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
