hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
