and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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