You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So much rum. So many feels.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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