pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
