I am in a vortex of obligation.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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