Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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