I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
