I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
