I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
