peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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