i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
