omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
