I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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